Lines Drawn in Starlight

 When you're lucky, you get to go back to sleep after waking up in the morning and get a few hours of lazy dream time. That sleep can be so delicious. 

But with certainty, I will have weird content, unpleasant dreams. Not super unpleasant, but those have been the ones I've woken you from crying, for example, or have given me thoughts that linger with me all day. I needed the sleep this morning, stayed up too late too many days in a row, but the dream was a sad one.

( Graves )

I received an invitation to sign this petition, below. I disagree with it on several levels. This isn't a human rights issue. How about instead of gathering electronic signatures to tell a business how to run its business, you (Angelino who started this) let Starbucks know why you will be taking your business elsewhere? Then get others to join the letter campaign.

"Dear Starbucks,
Until you address the waste stream caused by unnecessary plastic lids, I will be purchasing my daily latte from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf." [local coffee shop][or Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's, Peet's, wherever] Letter goes on to relate the no-choice incident from the petition. ( Petition to allow refusal of lid )

My philosophy is simple. I am willing to "vote with my wallet." I am willing to be inconvenienced to support my ideals. (The inconvenience rarely lasts, since these changes become habit.)

I believe that small changes make big change, especially where profits are concerned. If you don't like plastic in the landfill, don't use plastic. Recycling is a cop-out. Biodegradable spoons are a cop-out. They are only acceptable as transitional steps toward doing better as an individual. As with all betterment, progress must be constant. There is no plateau of done, where you can drive all you want and use Ziplocs and drink from paper cups and throw away food.

Lady, you don't change the world for the better with There Should Be a Law. The problem in this instance may in fact be the law, since Starbucks claims that it is a liability issue, but it's not an issue at Canadian locations.

Also, what a weak goal! What tiny impact it would make, to allow an optional lid! 98% of the time, the cashier won't pass the request to the barista anyway. Lid. Or the barista will autopilot. Lid. Or the customer doesn't give a damn about disposables. Lid! Cup! Paper sleeve and oceans of napkins! Sugar packets and stir sticks!

 There are times when my head gets too crowded.

Since I have been here on DW, cross posting to LJ, I have returned to thinking of myself as butterflydreaming. I just realized that I've disconnected with SaV -- that is to say, I see my shadow_and_veil journal on LJ and it feels remote. That's not me.

Y'know, that's actually a good thing. ( Cut to spare you nattering )

An hour or so I felt made of awesome. Now I'm kind of depressed about the whole incident.

( That is so gay! )

Financial matters depress me substantially more than anything else. Financial errors tend to feel like wrong choices or lack of diligence. They feel like things that should have assignable blame. Sometimes, it is true that they are. And sometimes, they are still in the realm of "things happen".

I am depressed, and tired, and am not eating dinner because I have no appetite for it. I don't like being depressed, tired, and unmotivated to eat. My life philosophy is based on controling one's outlook. It's a severe blow when I can't talk myself out of it. (I don't want to talk to anyone else. When I feel l like this, I don't trust anyone else's counsel.) So, even though it hurts and I'm still depressed, tired, and not eating dinner, I am having tea and thinking about my life philosophy. This all despite that overall, financial matters have taken a swing toward the better; I can see it being notably better in another month.

We say things like "Look on the bright side" and "make lemonaide out of lemons", and those are so simplistic that they annoy the &$*@ out of me. "Live and learn" is not much better. I think I can put it this way: Understand the particulars of the situation, Accept the facts, Go forward. A lot of things are not fixable. Circumstances frequently do not have satisfactory conclusions. When possible, Go Forward means "apply whatever means to right the problem" (excercise more, stop talking to that person, don't shop at that store). Other times, it means "just keep breathing and go on with your life."

You can't successfully go forward without the first two parts. Acceptance doesn't sit well if you don't understand how the bad thing happened and why it is affecting you as it is, and what may follow. I work wells with a Plan of Action, and this is a plan of action that can generally be applied.

The question, "And what are you doing about it?" can sometimes be answered with, "I'm venting/ranting/talking it out." If you understand that this is a necessary step for you before you move on to acceptance, then I think that is a reasonable answer. If you stall out in the whining and self-pity rut... then you are probably not someone on my f'list or someone I call a friend. *moment of f'list cherishing*

I remind myself that I've done a lot of things right, and that some things were required and couldn't be helped. I remind myself that I have done my best. I understand that sometimes things happen, and in order to straighten them out there is hassle. I can also see the worst-case outcome, which is not even all that bad. It's workable. I remind myself that I don't expect life to be easy, but that things work out for me so often that it stings more when they don't. They work out for me because I've done a lot of things right, too. Which brings the circle around, and eventually I go forward feeling a little less depressed and tired, and a little more capable of tending my physical self.

Or maybe it was the hot shower and the vanilla honeybush tea.

pain is a message
healing will come afterward
from understanding

Tribe doesn't seem to want to post my musings. I just realized that on Tribe, one must always "submit". {grin} Perhaps I am being too assertive.

( The fine line is the mirror's edge )

There was a spider. I didn't want him to see it; he's having a rough day already. Oh. But he's going to read this LJ post now and know. Heh. Oops.

I dislike killing spiders. However, the house kind will die anyway outside in the chill. I apologize. "Have a good life as a pony," I tell them as death decends in the form of a paper towel or swirling water. I mean it in a nice way.

If I had to kill my food, I wonder if I'd feel the same way. ( more along the same line of thought )

It started with an article flashing by on the MSN homepage, containing this jaw drop inducing bit: ( contraceptive induced insanity; kiss and blog; date 3 women but don't tell them about each other unless one asks: all articles courtesy of Match.com's mag )

As enlightening as opinion collecting is, it hurts my brain to try to come to any conclusions or to bring it together in a coherent whole. I'm quite certain that I think too much. I want to understand things that defy understanding. Love/sex relationships include too many variables. Once again I wonder, why do I care? And, what do I want?

Questions eternal. I'm so scared of my Whim that being "easy" is work. Now I feel like I need to explain both Whim and easy. How about short versions?

( Whim ) ( easy )

From The Water Room (by Christopher Fowler, who writes magnificently):

"I'll be more careful next time."

"There won't be a next time, Arthur. What will it take to make you act in a responsible manner?"

"Reincarnation?"
~~~
On the bus I overheard a zen buddhist speaking to another about a hospice where her father had been cared for, in his last days, according to their beliefs. They were discussing the problem of care at hospitals. It wasn't until the end of the conversation that she said that they were buddhist, so I found myself wondering what religion or belief system they followed. Were they atheist? Pagan? Pastafarian? And how would each of any of those deal with impending death?

( if you've ever wondered what I think about dying; a hint of my religious views; don't assume you know )

taken from telynmurali

( poly quiz results )

( A little commentary about this )