Oct. 16th, 2017 09:12 am
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)
 This morning I rescued a moth that was drowning in a dog dish. For whatever reason it matters a lot to me that I was there to see him frantically paddling, the way he calmed as soon as I put the flower stem next to him, how he crawled right on to it.

Even if they can't feel despair, everything just wants to live, right?

The moth may die anyway due to the dunking. He won't be able to fly, and it's a cold morning. But at least he didn't drown in a fcking dirty dog bowl outside a grocery store, with creatures going by, unaware of his distress.

In other news, I'm having a new life experience. I've been sick, and have lost my voice pretty much entirely. It's day 2. I made the first smart self-care decision in five days, in that I took a sick day off work. If I hadn't worked until I was fatigued on Friday and Saturday, I would almost certainly still have a voice now and maybe be over this cold/flu, too.

The 3AMs

Sep. 29th, 2017 03:19 am
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)
 Trying to write here with a cat walking on me. The same buttface who woke me up about 40 minutes ago with insistent meowing and claws. He wanted food, not the crunchy but the soft, and while I don't usually negotiate with terrorists, this time I got up in case something less apparent was going on.

Nope. He just wanted to eat a few bites of what he wanted to eat. (Argh!)

There's a point where I've had not enough sleep to feel rested, but too much to drop right back in. And like after a too-long nap, I feel like crud. I made a cup of mint tea and have since drunk said cup of hot soother. I've spent this time awake reading and lurking on DW. Also thinking about work. Seeing the inner workings of a place at which I have shopped for nearly twenty years is... enlightening. Many of the staff have been there as long as that. Co-worker (11 years) gave me a rundown yesterday.

I find it perplexing, the idea of being satisfied doing shift work for over a decade, although I can understand that this is a family run business rather than a national chain, and that may build in loyalty. Shift work is not a vocation. Grocery doesn't seem like a career field, I mean, not as a cog in the machine.

With all the lifers, there is a culture here, but not the sense of teamwork that I wish I could find (again), and don't think I will find unless I am in an environment where I can create it. The culture is not welcoming to new people. We're in an unusual situation with four new cashiers, plus a new crop of courtesy clerks (baggers) who are mostly high schoolers, and new folks in the deli, which seems to be the department with highest turnover.

I'm certainly an odd duck. I intend to collect my work experience and move on, not camp in this employment for the next decade or more. Unless something big changes, I can't see how I'll do any better than getting by, not with the cost of rent in Seattle, relative to this income.

The 3AMs have me thinking like a Disney (Renaissance era) princess, running out onto the crest of a hill or other high place and singing about how I want something more, to strive. It also has me wondering about how restless those princesses would be even after attaining their fairy tale endings. Or is it the lot of a Disney princess to peak in life while they are still essentially children? 

Belle at middle age and older. Happily evering after -- in what way? Now there's a contemplation.

butterflydreaming: The Japanese character for "dreams" written on a mug (Dreams)
At the end of week five of new job, I have now had dreams about work two nights in a row. The first one was an anxiety dream about not having support. (They are pretty good trainers, but low turnover means that they don't often have new cashiers.) Upon waking, I was able to tell myself that we don't do that particular thing from the dream.

Last night's was something small. I don't even recall it clearly, now.

Notes for the world: when the cashier is looking closely at the produce, there is a good chance she's checking for a sticker for organic vs non, as well as the produce code. Yes, I know those are radishes. The variety of apple is only helpful if I have the code memorized, btw, but thanks. Also, don't lie to me about how much something costs, because I can tell you are lying, and after we all wait for a price check, we will all know you are an ass.
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)
Grass lawns are a stupid gardening choice.
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)
If you didn't get free membership from Reach Now the first time around, they are currently waiving the $39 membership fee again for Seattle. This may also be a promo in other regions; I don't know.

The app for Android has bad reviews, and for me it won't advance past through the license screens. So, I would advise setting it up in advance rather than waiting until you're standing by a car.

Even if you have a reliable vehicle, I always advise taking advantage of the free membership promos. One-direction trip car share can be a handy thing when you need it.
butterflydreaming: (C)
dandelion and yellow wildflower

Whether a bloom is a weed or a wildflower depends on how you feel about it, I guess. There are a bunch of those little yellow ones (buttercups, I think?) competing with the dandelions.

A little garden work today. Sans hat, not because I lost it but because it's in a basket on top of a shelf. I didn't feel like frightening a spider who may be hiding behind that basket. She has already made bad location/reveal choices.

While I was cleaning up last year's dried up flower heads, the magnificent scent told me I'd found the lemon verbena. There are two big and healthy bushes of it in the yard. Later, when my BIL came out to mow, I got the splendid smell of cut mint, too. Did you expect me to say "grass"? Pew. I feel the same about newly cut grass odor as I do about the odor of fresh manure applied to landscaping.

I have a whole album of flower photos that I stopped updating when I stopped having a smartphone, and then since last summer I had gotten out of the habit of adding to because there were Google changes. I guess I should do something about that.

butterflydreaming: The steps of the Sizzle dance (Sizzle)
Vol. 2 of The Beyond queer comic anthology

Like other smart Kickstarters, a $20 pledge gets you a print copy plus pdf. They are already funded, so the remaining weeks are for everyone who wants one while they can get them.

Storyclock Notebook: A Notebook Designed for Screenwriters

Writers, at least watch the vid for this one! $5 gets you a pdf, but I would put $5 in just for the method he created.


May. 6th, 2017 09:22 am
butterflydreaming: A pink fountain pen, a tea cup, and a bottle of sake (Pink)
I love reading my own work, I admit it.


Apr. 30th, 2017 12:22 pm
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)
by relative size to each other

I want this poster to use as a reference for art things.
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)

I'm not sure the

[community profile] three_weeks_for_dw

 community is needed, considering 2017revival and the friending comm activity going on now. But the idea, a way to answer the "now what?" question, is still useful. 

We're not twitter or tumblr, so the hashtag doesn't really work.

I also feel that it isn't clear what Three Weeks even is. The original intro post discouraged linking back to DW from other sites, but I feel like the main focus of encouraging conversation here is not hindered by drawing friends in from other platforms.

(That's never worked for me, but, I tried.)

butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)

I propose that we refer to blogging here as "Woolgathering" when we want to talk about Dreamwidth without naming Dreamwidth.

Do you know about the dream sheep?
butterflydreaming: Drawing of DW as a tiny island off the coast of Livejournal (DW Island)
Two years ago I promised a pinata bit then didn't even show up last year. I like the idea of the Three Weeks celebration. But what is it?

If you have some thoughts on goals that could make it more interesting for participants, would you pop on over to the community and toss in a suggestion?

I like the idea. But if it's not useful, I'm ready to accept that.
butterflydreaming: Some people think I'm bitter, but I'm just intense (Kawaii_Not espresso intense)
 Fate of the Furious was awesome.

If you don't give the Fast & the Furious movies a chance because you think they are stupid male power fantasies, then you are missing out on some of the best written female. (and male) characters in any film, as well as some sweet action scenes. But seriously. These movies are excellent ensemble films. It may not show in the beginning, but by 4 or 5 that's what these movies are. However, from the very beginning we have Letty, tough as nails and Dom's equal. We have Mia, who makes up her own mind and is her own person. And those ladies are as important as Dom and Brian.

Show me that in any other film franchise. 


Apr. 20th, 2017 07:51 am
butterflydreaming: The steps of the Sizzle dance (Sizzle)
 My friend and former co-worker RH gave me a gift card to Sundance Cinemas, as a winter holiday gift. Which was totally nice and unexpected. Since I don't get up to the U District much anymore, I hadn't used it. Movie day yesterday was a delayed birthday celebration thing. (April 11 was Beauty & the Beast at Big Picture. I could deal with a crowd, so I opted out of the Chin Music Press event at Elliot Bay Book Co.)

A favorite thing for me is to see a movie without knowing any details about it. The choices were three with show times around 4:30, with a 5-something heist movie as a failsafe. I chose based on the small poster images on the show time screen at the ticket counter. Tommy's Honour had a dude with a golf club. The other two movies has smiling girls and glowy sunshine lighting, but the title Gifted interested me most.

I had no idea it was an Octavia Spenser, Chris Evans movie. Woot!

It is a bit of a glowy sunshine movie. But it has a one eyed cat, and the classroom boredom resonated with me.

It does make me think that a story of a "gifted" non-genius needs to be told. When Frank says he learned a problem solving technique (Trachenberg method) at 8, I thought we were going to see how this sharp first grader's dad was also gifted but had been overlooked because, poor. 

I also wondered if Evans and Spencer were going to get married and be a family all together.

This is why I have so many WIPs...

butterflydreaming: The word "match" is typed in a search engine. The return is "no match". (no match)
 This bus smells like pastrami. In a bad way.
butterflydreaming: Drawing of DW as a tiny island off the coast of Livejournal (DW Island)
 How nice for me.

i turned off cross posting, but for now I haven't deleted any of my journals over there. Everything of mine has been here for a while. I've loved it here for a while now.

And I guess I need to get to my Reading Page more often now. May is the time of #three weeks for dreamwidth; I'd like to see that get some action with all the LJers new in the neighborhood.

Woah Nelly

Jan. 16th, 2017 08:04 pm
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)
 I kept finding references to "the envelope sonnet" but I wasn't sure which I had meant. Just now I found it. February 2005 paper journal. It's... wow.

an Envelope Sonnet
A feather touch quills each soft, careful line
Each letter caressed with slow, conscious care
Adorned in serif, but with meaning bare
Though posed for you behaved, contained, confined
Behind the words, a hushed ardor retreats;
Beneath each phrase, my roiling hungers sink;
My uninvited longing sighs as ink
in strokes across the grain of smooth, calm sheets
Restraint is in this poem I write for you
That won’t be copied in digital font,
But do you guess how my desires rage
When my tongue slides along the strip of glue
And tastes the defined edge of this sharp want
Caught in the folding of a paper cage?
butterflydreaming: "Cris", in blocks with a blinking cat (Default)
The plot bunnies have been digging under the fence again. They are in the garden, eating my winter veges.
butterflydreaming: The word "match" is typed in a search engine. The return is "no match". (no match)
Every few years, I dig up my backups and move/copy over to new media, or cloud storage, etc. Recently I noticed that I haven't written much poetry, and what I write I don't type up or post anywhere unless it has some value (I think) to a broader audience.

So the project of yesterday and this morning has been to gather up all my available poems and start a Scrivener document to put them in. I had already been thinking of them in context of periods of my life. They are currently broken into: Caterpillar (1997-2002), In Chrysalis (2000-2007), Here There Be Dragons (2004-2009), Beauty Time (2007-2011) and Lucid Dreaming (2010-current). Eww, that looks pretentious, doesn't it?

A couple of my baby poems are corrupted files. I pretty much have those memorized, though? That's what happens when a short verse is your prayer to get through things. (Also, I have the originals, the double decades old pencil and paper originals.)

It seems like a thing to do.

The last decade has a lot of missing poems. That's because most of them are what I dubbed PFED, "A poem for every day." So, garbage, basically.

- - -

It shouldn't be so hard to write
a poem for every day.
Pen to paper:
wouldn't you like to say a few words?
So much starts to spill out of your head,
Your crowded, noisy mind,
So many things your spirit wants to speak.
So many complaints of the heart.

It shouldn't be so hard to write a poem
for everyday,
You do lesser things, and harder things,
You get up: that's something.

At least have a poem in your day.
One soft, crisp, uncomplicated thing
One thing that is only yours

Where to start? You wonder.
Just tell me three things that come to mind
and write.



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