World overlap on the brink of catastrophe
May. 26th, 2013 07:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflydreaming There are times when my head gets too crowded.
Since I have been here on DW, cross posting to LJ, I have returned to thinking of myself as butterflydreaming. I just realized that I've disconnected with SaV -- that is to say, I see my shadow_and_veil journal on LJ and it feels remote. That's not me.
Y'know, that's actually a good thing. SaV happened because things got bad, and I ran away and hid, which is what I do. It felt safer, and I stayed there.
The other day when I was on Flickr, I saw some photos of me from my birthday tea party at the Queen Mary. My first reaction was to marvel at how happy I looked, and think about how I never seem that happy to myself anymore. After a little while, I realized that I looked very happy in those photos because it was a sunbreak, letting some light get in. I wasn't happy! I lost a lot of weight from not having an appetite. (And yes, better food when I did eat it, and since I stopped writing, I got more excercise.) I'm not exactly happy now, either, but I'm worlds better than I was then. I just have been eating badly (eating for reward, lower quality cheap food, and meat-bread-cheese) and sitting on my duff too much.
So now, I'm butterflydreaming again. Sort of. I'm writing fanfic again, sort of -- finishing, fixing, archiving at AO3, that sort of thing. Fanfic brain is fun brain. Until my %^&* cat interrupted me, I was working out a timeline. It was supposed to be a timeline for the fanfic, but because everyone is clamoring for attention in my brain these days, it started pulling me over to "Stadium" again... which is just fine, and it keeps happening anyway. I have a significant amount of new writing to steer that story where I want, now, without trying to shoehorn it into a genre to which I am largely ignorant. The stories are all so noisy!
Fanfic lets me work out some theories, some ideas about original stories. {laughs} For example, the prime example, the reincarnation-and-alternate-dimensions thing. Clow & Yuuko are play acting that out for me right now, alpha testing as it were. Can I write it so it makes sense with someone elses' characters? Oh, and thank you, CLAMP, for making a character in crossover canon who can step in for Jouet -- as much as I like her part in CS, she is an original character in a fanfic story, a reason to remove her -- in a reasonable way and also make the story somewhat better. Read: less skeezy. Regardless of booze body shots. (I honestly don't know if body shots are going to make it in, but it does fit the tone.) Anyway, having Jouet step out of that story helps make timeline things with Xiaowen/Sheng Li work right.
Yes, I require Original Character continuity no matter where she is speaking her lines.
Because of Jouet, I figured out my problem with New City Limits, besides trying to write a NaNoWriMo novel without any preliminary plotting, etc. I don't know enough about Meyer, the main character from NCL, the traveling magic user who settles down in depression era Seattle. I read a thing about A Modern Day Prometheus (thank you,laurus_nobilis ) that led to me sketching out a scene for what I thought would be flash fiction, but started to make more sense as a scene with Meyer and Riddle (his cat) about Meyer's magic. So, now I know that Meyer is a mender.
This is the point where a good friend of mine would say, "That sounds complicated." {laughs} And where a certain writer friend might say, "OK, write that." But, ha! This is my journal, and I will ramble under a cut.
It is complicated. I can't help it if all of these red lines of fate connect all characters walking through my head, like some extra sticky spider web that they get on them and can't brush off easily.
Oh! I also figured out the accurate location of Eagle Crest. It's right by Darrington, off of HWY 530. I wanted it off of S Skagit Road, but that is too close to Concrete and not close enough to the National Forest borders. I'm aching to go Up Valley, camp in Newhalem, and walk up to Ladder Creek Falls. *aching* I can't go alone, because that is way too creepy even in Newhalem, but L just got both weekend days off as a regular thing, huzzah. Last time we camped, it rained all night and the siren sounded due to spilling of the dams. Just a bit nerve wracking!
And, I want to go to Ladder Creek Falls partially to push forward an idea for another Eagle Crest short story that might or might not borrow Corr-the-vampire-girl from other stories. Which works if Marin Quinn and Jane have more or less the same long distance friendship that my characters had in a completely different NaNoWriMo failed novel.
Do you see what I mean about world overlap? Gods. I've lost my marbles.
So I just have to start with one. Then do the next one, and the next until I can make the others go sit nicely on their shelves until their turn comes up, like 13th Chime and Nine Warriors have done. They are so well behaved.
See, this is the thing: I'm a dilettante with a poor self-work ethic. I've completely forgotten about the yarn in its dye bath, for example. Well, until just right now. But I did clean my bathroom. That aside, my point is that I have been making stories for over three decades, but not writing them out. Not in full, not often. My head is a garden full of dreams. Please forgive the muddled metaphor, but each of those dreams is like a butterfly all on its own, so a cloud of them is either a migration or an infestation. Imagine my garden! There's no room for the bees!
Since I have been here on DW, cross posting to LJ, I have returned to thinking of myself as butterflydreaming. I just realized that I've disconnected with SaV -- that is to say, I see my shadow_and_veil journal on LJ and it feels remote. That's not me.
Y'know, that's actually a good thing. SaV happened because things got bad, and I ran away and hid, which is what I do. It felt safer, and I stayed there.
The other day when I was on Flickr, I saw some photos of me from my birthday tea party at the Queen Mary. My first reaction was to marvel at how happy I looked, and think about how I never seem that happy to myself anymore. After a little while, I realized that I looked very happy in those photos because it was a sunbreak, letting some light get in. I wasn't happy! I lost a lot of weight from not having an appetite. (And yes, better food when I did eat it, and since I stopped writing, I got more excercise.) I'm not exactly happy now, either, but I'm worlds better than I was then. I just have been eating badly (eating for reward, lower quality cheap food, and meat-bread-cheese) and sitting on my duff too much.
So now, I'm butterflydreaming again. Sort of. I'm writing fanfic again, sort of -- finishing, fixing, archiving at AO3, that sort of thing. Fanfic brain is fun brain. Until my %^&* cat interrupted me, I was working out a timeline. It was supposed to be a timeline for the fanfic, but because everyone is clamoring for attention in my brain these days, it started pulling me over to "Stadium" again... which is just fine, and it keeps happening anyway. I have a significant amount of new writing to steer that story where I want, now, without trying to shoehorn it into a genre to which I am largely ignorant. The stories are all so noisy!
Fanfic lets me work out some theories, some ideas about original stories. {laughs} For example, the prime example, the reincarnation-and-alternate-dimensions thing. Clow & Yuuko are play acting that out for me right now, alpha testing as it were. Can I write it so it makes sense with someone elses' characters? Oh, and thank you, CLAMP, for making a character in crossover canon who can step in for Jouet -- as much as I like her part in CS, she is an original character in a fanfic story, a reason to remove her -- in a reasonable way and also make the story somewhat better. Read: less skeezy. Regardless of booze body shots. (I honestly don't know if body shots are going to make it in, but it does fit the tone.) Anyway, having Jouet step out of that story helps make timeline things with Xiaowen/Sheng Li work right.
Yes, I require Original Character continuity no matter where she is speaking her lines.
Because of Jouet, I figured out my problem with New City Limits, besides trying to write a NaNoWriMo novel without any preliminary plotting, etc. I don't know enough about Meyer, the main character from NCL, the traveling magic user who settles down in depression era Seattle. I read a thing about A Modern Day Prometheus (thank you,
laurus_nobilis ) that led to me sketching out a scene for what I thought would be flash fiction, but started to make more sense as a scene with Meyer and Riddle (his cat) about Meyer's magic. So, now I know that Meyer is a mender.This is the point where a good friend of mine would say, "That sounds complicated." {laughs} And where a certain writer friend might say, "OK, write that." But, ha! This is my journal, and I will ramble under a cut.
It is complicated. I can't help it if all of these red lines of fate connect all characters walking through my head, like some extra sticky spider web that they get on them and can't brush off easily.
Oh! I also figured out the accurate location of Eagle Crest. It's right by Darrington, off of HWY 530. I wanted it off of S Skagit Road, but that is too close to Concrete and not close enough to the National Forest borders. I'm aching to go Up Valley, camp in Newhalem, and walk up to Ladder Creek Falls. *aching* I can't go alone, because that is way too creepy even in Newhalem, but L just got both weekend days off as a regular thing, huzzah. Last time we camped, it rained all night and the siren sounded due to spilling of the dams. Just a bit nerve wracking!
And, I want to go to Ladder Creek Falls partially to push forward an idea for another Eagle Crest short story that might or might not borrow Corr-the-vampire-girl from other stories. Which works if Marin Quinn and Jane have more or less the same long distance friendship that my characters had in a completely different NaNoWriMo failed novel.
Do you see what I mean about world overlap? Gods. I've lost my marbles.
So I just have to start with one. Then do the next one, and the next until I can make the others go sit nicely on their shelves until their turn comes up, like 13th Chime and Nine Warriors have done. They are so well behaved.
See, this is the thing: I'm a dilettante with a poor self-work ethic. I've completely forgotten about the yarn in its dye bath, for example. Well, until just right now. But I did clean my bathroom. That aside, my point is that I have been making stories for over three decades, but not writing them out. Not in full, not often. My head is a garden full of dreams. Please forgive the muddled metaphor, but each of those dreams is like a butterfly all on its own, so a cloud of them is either a migration or an infestation. Imagine my garden! There's no room for the bees!
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no subject
Date: 2013-05-27 10:10 pm (UTC)I <3 Jouet :):) Hopefully you can find a place for her in another story!
no subject
Date: 2013-05-27 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-30 01:31 am (UTC)I have felt this a lot the past year. I'm still not sure if it's something to be fought or accepted.