A Sorry Win

[butterflydreaming]

An hour or so I felt made of awesome. Now I'm kind of depressed about the whole incident.


Over the phone, I offered a customer (Michelle) an explanation of why she might be now having a problem that she didn't have before. I said that if she had automatic updates enabled, something could have been updated in her system that was now having her get the typical error message that we know people get when they use refills in that style of printer. (I don't really know why. We offered her the directions for clearing the error message when she came in, and she said then that she didn't need them because she hadn't needed them before.) Appalled at the dasterdly machinations of printer manufacturers' sneaky ways, she exclaimed...

"That's so gay!"

A one second pause. Then I told her, "Don't use gay as a pejorative. It makes you sound ignorant."

She went off her crackers, telling me 1)that I must be gay (my reply, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"*) and then 2)that I should have let it go. She said that because I was giving customer service that I shouldn't have said anything about it.

I suggested that she might like to complain about me, and that I would happily give her the owners contact information so that she could do so. I also asked her for her email address so that I could email the error clearing directions. Repeated it back, and one or the other of us got it wrong, because the email bounced. She came in an hour later, fuming, but T took care of her, giving her the instruction sheet.

It is something of a win, because she is not going to be able to use that expression again without thinking of this incident. She might complain to her friends about what I said to her; maybe one or some of them will think about their own figures of speech and choice of expressions. There is a tiny, tiny chance that after she gets over being affronted, she will even understand that some people think "that's so gay" is not an okay thing to say.

I need to focus on the progressive possibilities, because otherwise it's just sad making. I suppose she was embarrassed for being corrected, and like most people would was responding to the criticism defensively. But an hour later, still being mad and still wanting to make a complaint... that makes me feel that she really doesn't get what was wrong about using that expression. Especially because she acted like I had taken personal offense due to being gay. It makes me suspect that she does have a problem with homosexuals. So uppity, wanting to be treated like anybody else. If her reaction had been, "I didn't mean it that way," or "oops, not PC I guess", maybe we could have had a conversation about it. A dialog.

I'm not worried about getting in trouble over this. If I do, I'll be disappointed in my boss. Not as a boss, but another person, a fellow human being. To me, this falls into the same category as saying racist things casually. D has taught me not to use "retarded" this way, and along the same lines, I am trying to correct myself from using "lame" for the same reasons. None of these clarify meaning, unless that really is what you mean, in which case it's just bad manners. (Or, in the right company, tongue-in-cheek.)

I had to say something. I still think I was right to do it.




*because that is not relevant, and wow, seriously?

Comments

[mimerki.livejournal.com]

I'm having trouble with the notion that someone over about age 12 would use gay in such a general case. It just seems weirdly juvenile to me. I can understand calling little magenta pickup trucks gay despite the trucks being unlikely to be homosexual nor to be signals of same from their owners. (I don't necessarily approve, but it makes a certain sense and the person I really associate with saying same was himself gay and thought said trucks were "too gay for him".) But a printer error? Did it call her girlfriend or snap its wrist?

[shadow-and-veil.livejournal.com]

I have trouble believing that it's a phrase used by adults, too. In the late 1970s/early 1980s, when I was a kid, yes, kids said something was "gay" ("retarded" or "lame", too) when we didn't like it, and called other kids "homo" as an insult. But not in front of adults.

Clearly, Canon corp. is supporting the homosexual agenda by trying to prevent normal, straight folks by causing a pop up when printer owners use something other than genuine brand cartridges.

[semioticwarrior.livejournal.com]

Wow, I've heard phrases come back from the 1970s, but I wish this one hadn't. That's terrible, and you did the brave and right thing.

OTOH, she'll definitely think before saying that again.

[lilac-wine.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to say this phrase is huge with kids now. I hear it all the time and I've said things to the kids saying it when they're at the park next to my house or to my children (we had that on the second day we lived here). Also, using "fag" is common.

Drives me up a wall and yes, adults do use it all the time.

[ivy]

Gamers, too. Many of my friends say it, and it drives me nuts. I say something about it, but am almost always ignored or told that I'm humorless/should get over it/etc.

[buhrger]

my tendency when in the proximity of problematic language is to literalize it in confusing ways. when offered "That's so gay!", i'd be fairly strongly inclined to reply with "that's a good thing, right?" or "but i thought you didn't like it." and let the confusion percolate through the speaker's brain slowly.