butterflydreaming (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
butterflydreaming) wrote2008-04-26 06:08 pm
butterflydreaming) wrote2008-04-26 06:08 pm
Entry tags:
body.spirit.mind
pain is a message
healing will come afterward
from understanding
Tribe doesn't seem to want to post my musings. I just realized that on Tribe, one must always "submit". {grin} Perhaps I am being too assertive.
- - -
I have a relationship with pain, emotional and physical. Like most things, it is neither good, nor bad; it is our individual interpretation that applies value judgment on pain. Because it serves a necessary function. Whether it is physical or emotional, it is always rooted in the body saying, "Hey, driver. Pay attention."
Sometimes, that means apply pressure, elevate, and get a bandage. Sometimes, that means, think about how you are reacting. In all cases, it means, assess the situation. In my experience, most of the time there is nothing to be done, except to make a Note to Self, e.g. learn something. When I run into the corner of the table YET AGAIN, all I can do is wait it out as calmly as possible, then either move the table or retrain myself to go around the other way. In the case of deep tissue massage, which I had today, the pain is most definitely a message, information. It is "good pain", like habanero salsa. (My mouth is watering, now.)
Emotional pain seems less black and white, because human nature wants to assign blame. So, we either blame the "table", or we take the blame onto ourselves. And somewhere in my brain, the second option has been translated into pain feeling good, becoming a desirable thing. Which has it's place, when it is fun, and gets put in its place, when it is not. I've spent years being introspective, working on the riddle of self. It's like picking knots out of string; it is easy for the manipulation to create other knots in different places. Writing the field guide to my emotional wildlife means recognizing the various species, which frequently mimic each other. I'd like to think that I've gotten pretty good at recognizing which ones have the venomous bite. Been sick, haven't died.
It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, or that knowing that pain just "is" makes it not pain. But the understanding that i have come to, that pain is a natural function, has made it increasingly possible for me to deal with it in a way that leads to healing. It's *my* pain, which means that I have the say in what I do with it, what I let it become, where I let it take me. I want to be whole, body, mind, and spirit. I have *worked* to be whole, which has meant that one or the other part has had to take charge sometimes, or step up and toe the line. Today, I chose to be body-focused, putting my physical self in the lead position, and I already feel the rest catching up. In addition to the massage, there was a long bath with fizzies, and chocolate mousse at Dilettant, which I ate languidly.
That does mean that the spirit leads on occasion, and that the mind is boss at other times. While my spirit tends to be the most difficult when it is troublesome, it's also the one that I am most adept at diverting or wrangling, due to lots of practice. And practice it is. Habit has been my primary, and most effective method, typically the habit of getting up and going through the motions, faking it until I fool even myself.
Lately, it is mostly my mind that is in disorder. It has been dragging the rest down. Therefore, when my spirit recently dropped the dishes, I had a hell of a night. Note to self. It was a manageable clatter because it overlapped with a gorgeous amount of gustatory pleasure (Kabul, Trophy Cupcakes, and Teahouse Kwan Yin) and a bounty of soul-satiating company. I've been made aware, now, that I need to be careful with myself until my life situation sorts out to a more normal state. If my mind hadn't been in such a mess for so long, I would have seen that earlier. There's just been... a lot to think about. Practical, planning, and philosophically.
healing will come afterward
from understanding
Tribe doesn't seem to want to post my musings. I just realized that on Tribe, one must always "submit". {grin} Perhaps I am being too assertive.
- - -
I have a relationship with pain, emotional and physical. Like most things, it is neither good, nor bad; it is our individual interpretation that applies value judgment on pain. Because it serves a necessary function. Whether it is physical or emotional, it is always rooted in the body saying, "Hey, driver. Pay attention."
Sometimes, that means apply pressure, elevate, and get a bandage. Sometimes, that means, think about how you are reacting. In all cases, it means, assess the situation. In my experience, most of the time there is nothing to be done, except to make a Note to Self, e.g. learn something. When I run into the corner of the table YET AGAIN, all I can do is wait it out as calmly as possible, then either move the table or retrain myself to go around the other way. In the case of deep tissue massage, which I had today, the pain is most definitely a message, information. It is "good pain", like habanero salsa. (My mouth is watering, now.)
Emotional pain seems less black and white, because human nature wants to assign blame. So, we either blame the "table", or we take the blame onto ourselves. And somewhere in my brain, the second option has been translated into pain feeling good, becoming a desirable thing. Which has it's place, when it is fun, and gets put in its place, when it is not. I've spent years being introspective, working on the riddle of self. It's like picking knots out of string; it is easy for the manipulation to create other knots in different places. Writing the field guide to my emotional wildlife means recognizing the various species, which frequently mimic each other. I'd like to think that I've gotten pretty good at recognizing which ones have the venomous bite. Been sick, haven't died.
It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, or that knowing that pain just "is" makes it not pain. But the understanding that i have come to, that pain is a natural function, has made it increasingly possible for me to deal with it in a way that leads to healing. It's *my* pain, which means that I have the say in what I do with it, what I let it become, where I let it take me. I want to be whole, body, mind, and spirit. I have *worked* to be whole, which has meant that one or the other part has had to take charge sometimes, or step up and toe the line. Today, I chose to be body-focused, putting my physical self in the lead position, and I already feel the rest catching up. In addition to the massage, there was a long bath with fizzies, and chocolate mousse at Dilettant, which I ate languidly.
That does mean that the spirit leads on occasion, and that the mind is boss at other times. While my spirit tends to be the most difficult when it is troublesome, it's also the one that I am most adept at diverting or wrangling, due to lots of practice. And practice it is. Habit has been my primary, and most effective method, typically the habit of getting up and going through the motions, faking it until I fool even myself.
Lately, it is mostly my mind that is in disorder. It has been dragging the rest down. Therefore, when my spirit recently dropped the dishes, I had a hell of a night. Note to self. It was a manageable clatter because it overlapped with a gorgeous amount of gustatory pleasure (Kabul, Trophy Cupcakes, and Teahouse Kwan Yin) and a bounty of soul-satiating company. I've been made aware, now, that I need to be careful with myself until my life situation sorts out to a more normal state. If my mind hadn't been in such a mess for so long, I would have seen that earlier. There's just been... a lot to think about. Practical, planning, and philosophically.