Gahh!

[butterflydreaming]

It took the longest time to get the cozy mystery short story to the current state of done. Now I can impose on a few victims friends to rate the degree of suck.

In all honesty, I don't think it sucks. I think that I would enjoy it, if I came across such a story.

Anyone else want to give it a read?

Comments

[38thparallel]

Me, me, me! ::going to brew a big pot of tea::

[butterflydreaming]

It's in my Dropbox folder now. Dropbox->PCG->Cris :)

[38thparallel]

Ah, no! A Theft of Teapots does not suck! I enjoyed it and felt very cozy! :) I'll try to (loosely) follow the response format used in pcg_makingitworse:

In terms of strengths, I felt as if the characters and the plot all fit perfectly with the theme of "cozy mystery." Also, I liked reading about the various tea society members. The large cast reminds me of mysteries like And Then There Were None, where the reader gets to enjoy a variety of interesting characters all mixed up in the shady happenings. Ha ha Dave Nickels -- silly coffee drinker!

As far as weaknesses, I felt the mystery was easily solved, which is maybe what you were aiming for? Also, it's sometimes difficult to get attached to characters in short stories. I felt some of the characterization was a little rushed, but I understand the reason. Overall, I think you did a good job of making your characters charismatic enough that the reader really does care about the outcome. Ahh, and I want to know Kort's and Hoffman's reactions after the video went public!

I enjoyed the lighthearted nature of the plot and thought it flowed well. I did wonder about the mystery teapot in the online auction. Was that a way to illustrate Connie's penchant for exaggeration or is it a possible spinoff for a future story? Woo long instead of oolong, ha!

Opening with Marin visiting Kiyomi while sick indicates that they have a solid friendship, which helped establish the tone of the story. Then, you jumped straight into the info about the break-ins, which I thought was perfect pacing. Also, I am a big fan of morally ambiguous plots/endings (giving Nathan credit, even though he's facing criminal charges). So, another plus from me on that!

The characters and setting work, and the dialog really drives the plot, which I thought was appropriate given the length of the story. I'm not a huge fan of using words other than "said" or "asked" with dialog, but that's probably just a persnickety preference! :)

Lastly, I LOVE Sweetpea! Of course Sweetpea is the true detective! If you continue with these characters, I hope Sweetpea persists as the sharp-nosed sleuth!

Thank you for letting me read your story!

[butterflydreaming]

Thank you immensely! That is very useful feedback. The eBay teapot is problematic; I might be able to strengthen that bit so that it is more obviously a red herring. I was considering cutting it, but it is the opportunity to introduce Marin's smart phone. I think I can fit some dialog where Nathan explains what he did with the stolen teapots. Here is one of the places where I could do so much without the shortness constraint.

I also see the weakness of the easily solved mystery. I focused on the relationships, but I think I need to put more into the mystery to really make this fit the genre.

I'm glad you did enjoy it. Thank you again for reading! I'll make good use of your feedback.

[38thparallel]

You're welcome! For a second, I thought the eBay teapot was something really sinister and that Nathan's theft was a faux mystery to mislead the reader! I hope you won't cut it, you might be able to use it to make the mystery a little more murky. :)

Do you think you'll write another story with the same characters?

[butterflydreaming]

I thought the eBay teapot was something really sinister and that Nathan's theft was a faux mystery to mislead the reader!

Now that's an idea. If I decide to write this as a novel, I might just do that. In my head this is a short story using the characters from a series of novels. I do want to use these characters again, to tell the story about Sweetpea and the puppy mill, or the one where the previous mayor is found dead in the ravine behind Marin's house, putting her under suspicion...