What do you do...
Jan. 23rd, 2005 03:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflydreaming...to change your emotional state?
I used to think that counting down from 10 when you're angry was silly -- I saw it on cartoons as a kid, and thought it was just a joke. But I have a wicked temper, sometimes quick and hot, sometimes dangerously slow. Nothing can be done about the slow burn, except for me to take it apart piece by piece, but for the quick anger, the 10 count actually works. It's just distracting enough, and if feels like it requires the use of different parts of my brain.
There must be other things like this, things that would work for other negative emotional reactions. I've tried to use rules, like "before I say anything, I have to do x", but that's shaky at best. Promises to other people I can keep at the expense of my own life... or suffering... or whatever; promises to myself are made of flimsey stuff. I've written letters that I've never sent, rather than call someone (or call someone out). I've made myself do laundry, or clean my room, or talk to someone else first. But emotional state doesn't always go anywhere except further in, when I'm doing these things.
Sometimes you just have to eat, sleep, have a bath, or take a walk (or do some other physical activity). But what if that's not the root of the issue?
And what if it's not a state of emotion that's going to last, but your looking for some way to make it go away sooner? Like being angry and counting to 10.
I had a conversation with a schoolmate once about feeling sad. She said that she would listen to happy songs and they cheered her up. I, on the other hand, said I'd do better with sad music, songs about heartbreak and sorrow, because if they were pop songs, they'd be cheesy enough to make me laugh, and get cynical instead of sad. That doesn't work for me anymore, because the sad music that I own is really beautiful -- Jeff Buckley, the Cowboy Junkies, Billie Holiday, that sort of thing. And pop music would just put annoyance on top of my blues. In full-blown going under, I can't even listen to music, of any kind, because it feels like it's rubbing my senses that much more raw.
I imagine that everyone has there own tricks and methods, and I think I could stand to try some new ones. If I catch myself when I'm starting to slide, maybe I can pull myself out before it gets to far. So I'm wondering -- what do you do? Anger, sadness, crankiness, panic, whatever. How do you change that, if you don't just wait for it to blow over? Or do you just wait it out, and does that work for you?
And can you tell that this post is one of those "do this first" fulfillment of rules?
I used to think that counting down from 10 when you're angry was silly -- I saw it on cartoons as a kid, and thought it was just a joke. But I have a wicked temper, sometimes quick and hot, sometimes dangerously slow. Nothing can be done about the slow burn, except for me to take it apart piece by piece, but for the quick anger, the 10 count actually works. It's just distracting enough, and if feels like it requires the use of different parts of my brain.
There must be other things like this, things that would work for other negative emotional reactions. I've tried to use rules, like "before I say anything, I have to do x", but that's shaky at best. Promises to other people I can keep at the expense of my own life... or suffering... or whatever; promises to myself are made of flimsey stuff. I've written letters that I've never sent, rather than call someone (or call someone out). I've made myself do laundry, or clean my room, or talk to someone else first. But emotional state doesn't always go anywhere except further in, when I'm doing these things.
Sometimes you just have to eat, sleep, have a bath, or take a walk (or do some other physical activity). But what if that's not the root of the issue?
And what if it's not a state of emotion that's going to last, but your looking for some way to make it go away sooner? Like being angry and counting to 10.
I had a conversation with a schoolmate once about feeling sad. She said that she would listen to happy songs and they cheered her up. I, on the other hand, said I'd do better with sad music, songs about heartbreak and sorrow, because if they were pop songs, they'd be cheesy enough to make me laugh, and get cynical instead of sad. That doesn't work for me anymore, because the sad music that I own is really beautiful -- Jeff Buckley, the Cowboy Junkies, Billie Holiday, that sort of thing. And pop music would just put annoyance on top of my blues. In full-blown going under, I can't even listen to music, of any kind, because it feels like it's rubbing my senses that much more raw.
I imagine that everyone has there own tricks and methods, and I think I could stand to try some new ones. If I catch myself when I'm starting to slide, maybe I can pull myself out before it gets to far. So I'm wondering -- what do you do? Anger, sadness, crankiness, panic, whatever. How do you change that, if you don't just wait for it to blow over? Or do you just wait it out, and does that work for you?
And can you tell that this post is one of those "do this first" fulfillment of rules?
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 12:54 am (UTC)If I can't physically get away from the situation, I distance myself emotionally - I withdraw into umbraged silence until such time as I can be alone.
And then I think about, or (better yet) do something else. If it's possible, I go outside and go for a brisk walk. I vent my anger in whatever way is most appropriate, always stopping short of physical violence (however sorely I am tempted) or wanton destruction.
That's usually enough to let me get back to the task at hand (most of the time when I'm really angry I'm at work. Funny that.). Then, as the black clouds clear and my thought processes start to resume functioning logically, I work through what the problem is and what the solution might be.
As for other moods - sadness, irritability, depression, funk - my first step is usually to go out and get some fresh air. Then I check the biological basics - hunger, sleep - and address those.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 01:41 am (UTC)Sharesies!
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 04:08 am (UTC)Anyways, what do I do? I know that listening to music by Utada Hikaru basically always cheers me up, but aside from music, my Quaker background has taught me the wonders of silence. When I'm feeling really depressed or stressed out, I just turn off everything, get away from everyone, and sit. Maybe with my eyes closed, maybe with them open, maybe alternating between. I just sit there and let myself "de-tox
And if that doesn't work, I pop an ativan (http://www.psyweb.com/Drughtm/ativan.html). (Not really - except for once in a blue moon, I save those for panic attacks.)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 05:18 pm (UTC)Quaker background? That's interesting!
It sounds like a good tip. I think I'll give it a try -- just being silent and still. I used to do that, but it was because I was afraid that I would "overspill" if I moved/breathed/anything. Maybe if it's more like meditation... .
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 07:55 am (UTC)I can't really control myself, so I can't say what I do, as nothing actually works ^^u
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 10:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 04:22 pm (UTC)and not for others.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 04:37 pm (UTC)What do I do with the blues? Basically, I try to distract myself. How? I eat. I call people to either chat about it or to hear about things other than what's bothering me. Sadly, I often froth at the mouth (in my head), and it goes around and around (in my head) ... b/c of that, and many other things, I started taking a drug -- an SSRI (Celexa!) -- a number of eons ago ... and that action helped a lot. But it's not for everyone. Another thing that works really well is following the tenants of cognitive behavioural therapy -- which is partly what you're doing with the laundry and the walking, etc.
I've heard that focussing on helping other people helps. I think it's just another way of distracting one's self.
I like the idea mentioned above re: "de-tox" and turning everything/everyone off. I think Zen/mediation/prayer/letting go is likely a good skill to develop.
What I can't figure out is this: is counting to 10 a Zen thing or a distraction?
(I'm TCD for those of you who know me -- and I'm posting as anonymous b/c I'd rather keep this non-linkable to me ... simply keeping my privacy intact n' all. )
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 05:23 pm (UTC)is counting to 10 a Zen thing or a distraction?
I wonder. For me, I think it's a distraction, because it makes me focus on something else, something with a linear pattern. But other than using the word "Zen" the way it's used colloquially, I don't really know anything about Zen.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 09:06 pm (UTC)or something like that.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-24 09:51 pm (UTC)you that you are on my friends
list and you never
comment anymore! =/
& i'm making layouts for my friends
check out the most recent post!
<3. Gabi.