(And about that T/T fic)
Jun. 1st, 2004 08:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflydreamingI'd like to not be defensive about it, but maybe you'd want to know...
Why would I write a romance fic about a pairing that I feel indifferent toward? Because, by God, I'm stuck. STUCK! On the part that should be absolutely easy... but more on that in a minute.
TouyaxTomoyo, also known as Tomouya. Even Shadows didn't sell it to me, although Shadows is worth reading to 1)understand something about L-chan's mind, and 2)suffer miserably if your a T/Y 'shipper. Oh, and 3)read something that is well written, for once. (Of course.)
I thought I could stand to write some het, and my plan at first was to go for the stronger rating (R at least). I didn't want to mess around with the couples that I'd like to see done right: Eriol and Kaho (I'll save that pairing for Fusenkago), Fujitaka and Nadeshiko (reverently reserved for "Take Comfort"), Syaoran and Sakura (I can only think of them as kids most of the time). So who does that leave, really? Plus, I'd already made a snarky comment about writing a T/T. And I knew that L-chan would read it if it wasn't total crap, and I don't think she's read anything else of mine (outside of the challenges).
So, I didn't even save it to disc while I was trying it out. If it wasn't going to work, I was just going to drop it in the recycle and flush it away into oblivion. If I finished it and it was mediocre, it was going to go into the Desk Drawer. But after all, I kind of liked it. Because this is what happened:
It's in the framework of "Disloyalty", which I go back and forth about writing. Once Yue's taken/been given Touya's magic, Touya is no longer is genki self, ever again. This is touched on in the manga, but ignored (sorta) in the 2nd movie. (I figured, he looked lively but didn't feel lively.) And without magic, Touya has no appeal to Yue. Unfortunately, Yue's main personality is dominant, not good news for Yukito. Yue hates that his other self loves Touya, anyway, and feels guilt over draining him. Because Touya is drained... he's tired all the time and it doesn't get better (as the manga says, it's like giving blood, but your body can produce more blood but not more magic). So there's a certain resentment there. And Yukito/Yue has a lot of conflict about that, so he essential denies everything about him that makes him Yukito, especially his love and gratitude. Touya essentially runs away from the constant reminders (it's hard to imagine him abandoning Sakura, but I think he might justify it as being for "just a short while", and eventually give his position up to Syaoran). Yue doesn't see the need for Yukito to exist anymore once Touya is gone, and supresses that part of him down to (what seems to be) non-existance.
So, that's where we are when "Disloyalty" begins -- 9 years later, when Sakura is about to get married. And that's why I set "Promise Me" there.
I so would've liked someone to catch the "kiss of one-sided feeling" reference and ask about it. There's a Tomoyo/Sakura story in that. I'm keeping it for when I'm feeling Red, but not as Red as I need to be for "Disloyalty".
Why I liked "Promise Me":
It didn't get to an R rating. PG-13 at most for one brief curse word on Touya's part. Because when it got to the bedroom, I let the characters do what I thought they would. And I know that safe sex needs to be addressed even in fanfiction, and I know that virginity needs to be treated realistically... and Zero to Sixty is the kind of fiction that bugs me, a lot. So, no pledges of undying love, no bjs, handjobs, or any form of penetration. Plain old, underused, making out.
But I remember what it was like to be 22. And I remember what it was like to have been kissed only once. And I know what it's like to be tangled up with someone you've known for a long time but are not in love with.
And
I know what it's like to be the older one with more experience.
So, a little of me in each of them. And when all was said and done, my ending is just a beginning.
And if you made it through all that rambling,
So, I'm kind of stuck. Which is why I'm wasting time here with this journal entry. Grah. The characters are eager but the writer is unwilling. I'm going to try again today... (day off) ...I'm just feeling so selfish about this. Essentially, this one is the end. Once it's written, I'll have to put that pen down. And this one was only mine for so long... .
I'm really conflicted. I want to give them some privacy. The intimacy of this story has been pointed out, and this part is, in my opinion, the worst. {sigh} I know, I know -- I've already made the commitment, and it will get done. But if it doesn't get done today, I'm going to cut myself some slack and let it happen when it does. My apologies.
I will now get my reluctant self off the internet (stopping on the way out to read a bit), eat some breakfast, and then see what I can do.
Why would I write a romance fic about a pairing that I feel indifferent toward? Because, by God, I'm stuck. STUCK! On the part that should be absolutely easy... but more on that in a minute.
TouyaxTomoyo, also known as Tomouya. Even Shadows didn't sell it to me, although Shadows is worth reading to 1)understand something about L-chan's mind, and 2)suffer miserably if your a T/Y 'shipper. Oh, and 3)read something that is well written, for once. (Of course.)
I thought I could stand to write some het, and my plan at first was to go for the stronger rating (R at least). I didn't want to mess around with the couples that I'd like to see done right: Eriol and Kaho (I'll save that pairing for Fusenkago), Fujitaka and Nadeshiko (reverently reserved for "Take Comfort"), Syaoran and Sakura (I can only think of them as kids most of the time). So who does that leave, really? Plus, I'd already made a snarky comment about writing a T/T. And I knew that L-chan would read it if it wasn't total crap, and I don't think she's read anything else of mine (outside of the challenges).
So, I didn't even save it to disc while I was trying it out. If it wasn't going to work, I was just going to drop it in the recycle and flush it away into oblivion. If I finished it and it was mediocre, it was going to go into the Desk Drawer. But after all, I kind of liked it. Because this is what happened:
It's in the framework of "Disloyalty", which I go back and forth about writing. Once Yue's taken/been given Touya's magic, Touya is no longer is genki self, ever again. This is touched on in the manga, but ignored (sorta) in the 2nd movie. (I figured, he looked lively but didn't feel lively.) And without magic, Touya has no appeal to Yue. Unfortunately, Yue's main personality is dominant, not good news for Yukito. Yue hates that his other self loves Touya, anyway, and feels guilt over draining him. Because Touya is drained... he's tired all the time and it doesn't get better (as the manga says, it's like giving blood, but your body can produce more blood but not more magic). So there's a certain resentment there. And Yukito/Yue has a lot of conflict about that, so he essential denies everything about him that makes him Yukito, especially his love and gratitude. Touya essentially runs away from the constant reminders (it's hard to imagine him abandoning Sakura, but I think he might justify it as being for "just a short while", and eventually give his position up to Syaoran). Yue doesn't see the need for Yukito to exist anymore once Touya is gone, and supresses that part of him down to (what seems to be) non-existance.
So, that's where we are when "Disloyalty" begins -- 9 years later, when Sakura is about to get married. And that's why I set "Promise Me" there.
I so would've liked someone to catch the "kiss of one-sided feeling" reference and ask about it. There's a Tomoyo/Sakura story in that. I'm keeping it for when I'm feeling Red, but not as Red as I need to be for "Disloyalty".
Why I liked "Promise Me":
It didn't get to an R rating. PG-13 at most for one brief curse word on Touya's part. Because when it got to the bedroom, I let the characters do what I thought they would. And I know that safe sex needs to be addressed even in fanfiction, and I know that virginity needs to be treated realistically... and Zero to Sixty is the kind of fiction that bugs me, a lot. So, no pledges of undying love, no bjs, handjobs, or any form of penetration. Plain old, underused, making out.
But I remember what it was like to be 22. And I remember what it was like to have been kissed only once. And I know what it's like to be tangled up with someone you've known for a long time but are not in love with.
And
I know what it's like to be the older one with more experience.
So, a little of me in each of them. And when all was said and done, my ending is just a beginning.
And if you made it through all that rambling,
So, I'm kind of stuck. Which is why I'm wasting time here with this journal entry. Grah. The characters are eager but the writer is unwilling. I'm going to try again today... (day off) ...I'm just feeling so selfish about this. Essentially, this one is the end. Once it's written, I'll have to put that pen down. And this one was only mine for so long... .
I'm really conflicted. I want to give them some privacy. The intimacy of this story has been pointed out, and this part is, in my opinion, the worst. {sigh} I know, I know -- I've already made the commitment, and it will get done. But if it doesn't get done today, I'm going to cut myself some slack and let it happen when it does. My apologies.
I will now get my reluctant self off the internet (stopping on the way out to read a bit), eat some breakfast, and then see what I can do.