This post will probably be gone tomorrow.

[butterflydreaming]

{sad laugh} Simply stated, I am depressed. Very depressed. Nay, extremely depressed. I have now gone beyond the "feel sorry for me/tell me you love me" stage and fully into the "this is a dangerous place but I think I should tell you because it keeps me from doing anything really bad" stage. Which is why I am writing this, which I most certainly will remove after a day, probably, or whenever I go back online, and if you have been paying any attention, you have probably noticed that I'm here Every. Day.

At this moment, I feel... too many things. Angry, ashamed, destructive, frustrated, trapped, ridiculous, apathetic, misunderstood, pathetic. Vicious.

What does that mean? For anyone else? Not much of anything. By tomorrow, I'll probably be over the disgust I feel for everything I've ever written, public and private. And I will probably be able to string a few words together in a way that someone will find pleasurable to read. I may even be euphoric, thinking about such things. But that's tomorrow. And right now, I am... not.

This is not a cry for attention. Sometimes, I just think that I should leave a note before I "go out for cigarettes".
It's okay if you're getting tired of this. So am I.