"Happiness, anyway"

[butterflydreaming]

Card Captor Sakura fanfiction
Shojo-ai
Post-canon for the anime, AU for the manga
genre: happy (if angst gets to be a genre, why not a happy?)
A TMBG-songfic... "Another First Kiss"... in the secret songfic style

dkellis I hope that you like this one.

“Happiness, anyway”

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                I could hear her voice, as soft as the fur on Kero-chan’s chest.  It was golden like that, too, light and golden just like the sunshine that was coming through my window.  I realized that it was already morning, even through my blurry self-awareness.  I was still asleep, or mostly, but she was talking to me.  “All I have ever wanted is your happiness, Sakura-chan,” she was saying.  Her voice was so gentle even though she sounded worried.  It was soothing; she has the prettiest voice, both when she is singing and when she is talking.</>

                Tomoyo paced quietly while she talked.  “If you’ve changed your mind, when you wake up…” she whispered.  She sounded brave – nervous, but brave.  I thought about how I had never seen her that way.  I was the one who would pace and fret – I still do – and she was the one who would assure me that I would succeed.   Her hair was a little messy, but not a lot.  It hung down over her shoulders and back in folds, just a little bit tangled.  Even though it always looked perfect, Tomoyo wasn’t someone  vainly preoccupied with her hair.  The way it behaved was just part of her natural beauty.  Seeing it messy, I wanted to touch it again; if I ran my hands over it, I could smooth it out until it was the way she always kept it.   Serene.  Yue used that word once, and I thought that it was just the perfect description for my Tomoyo-chan.

                As I cracked my eyes open, just peeking past the thick fold of my blanket, I could see how not-serene she was.  She was walking around in the pajamas that I had lent to her to wear.  Because of the drenching that we had both gotten the evening before from walking home in a rainstorm, she was wearing all of my clothes.  Even, under the teddy bear patterned pajamas, a pair of my panties – new ones, not ones that I had ever worn!  I had been lucky to have an unopened package at the back of my drawer.

                I closed my eyes again, pretending to be fully asleep, when she started to turn back toward the bed and look at me.  It was sneaky of me, but I wanted her to keep talking.  She was saying such nice things, about how we had been friends for such a long time, and how she had loved me right from that day in the first grade.

                All of the sudden, she stopped.  She stopped pacing, and she stopped talking, as if she had run out of things to say.  I heard her sigh, almost like a whimper, and I opened my eyes to see her grab my housecoat, wrap it over herself a hurriedly, and start to walk away to the door.

                “Tomoyo-chan,” I mumbled.  It stopped her.  She snapped back around, away from the bedroom door.  Her eyes looked wet.  There were flushed spots on her cheeks that looked feverish.  “Tomoyo-chan,” I repeated, changing my inflection to one of sympathy, and I sat up and held out my arms to her.  The flush on her cheeks took on a difference, and she moved quickly back to me, onto my bed and into my arms.  She felt so wonderful and warm, pressed up against me.  I felt bad for letting her be worried, for letting her get upset.

                “I haven’t changed my mind about anything,” I said into her sweet-smelling hair.  I squeezed her tightly; she hugged me back.  “I’m not sorry that I kissed you.  I’m glad that you were my first kiss.”  I rubbed my cheek against her ear, then against her soft cheek.  Her skin was as soft as her voice.  It was hot, but not fever-hot.

                “How about another first kiss?”  She said the words in a quivering little voice, less like a question than like a wish.

                “How ’bout another first kiss,” I echoed, already turning my head so that my mouth moved over her lips.  “Like this.”

                Kissing Tomoyo-chan felt like rubbing my lips over a sun-warmed plum just before biting into it and tasting sweet, ripe juice.  Her lips were the nicest thing that mine had ever touched.  When she kissed me back, it was something that I had never experienced before.  Every kiss the previous night  had been like that, like a first kiss over and over again, and this one was, too.

                When we were kissing, I couldn’t worry about what was going to happen with me and Syaoran, or if Tomoyo and I would let anyone know how things had changed, or what they would think if we did.  Tomoyo had been worried that I hadn’t meant it, but I had my worries, too.  I wasn’t worrying at all, though, while her lips, light as silk until they grew wet, were moving against mine.  Then, I knew – as long as I could feel the way that I was feeling, everything would somehow be all right.

                I loved Tomoyo, and it wasn’t because Syaoran was so far away that I loved her.  I hadn’t “moved on” to her because Yukito-san was too complicated to have a crush on, and he had already changed the way that I thought about him into something safely sentimental.  I don’t know if there was a single moment when I fell in love, when she became the one that I loved instead of my friend, that I loved; suddenly, it was just there, but like something that had been waiting for me to notice it.  And it was different from the feeling that I had for Syaoran.  It was somehow bigger.  She had always been permanent in my life.  I could see her with me forever.

                We just held each other for a while, Tomoyo kneeling on the covers next to me, and me still underneath the blankets.  I wanted her to snuggle back under, but I didn’t want to let go.  I listened to her breathing and marvelled at the way things had happened.

                It hadn’t been planned.  We hadn’t said  anything to each other about love.  It wasn’t one of those times when I had complained to her about my long-distance relationship, when I had been feeling tired of wasting time, waiting to overcome all the situational obstacles between Syaoran and me.  It wasn’t, either, one of those times when I had worried, in confidence, that the obstacles were what made us think that we still loved each other romantically.  No, I hadn’t been talking or even thinking about Syaoran at all.  Tomoyo and I had been happy to be indoors, warm and dry again, and I was glad not to be alone when the thunder rumbled.  Kero-chan and Otousan were having their usual Saturday night videogame showdown downstairs (he was probably still there, slumped over his control pad and my sleeping father) and Oniichan was staying overnight at Yukito-san’s house again.  Something one of us had said sent us both into giggling fits, until we were laughing so hard that we had to cling onto each other to keep from falling over.  I don’t know why I did it just then – I pulled away a little from hugging her and kissed her on the cheek.  Then I kissed her mouth.

                She had stopped laughing, and taken in a sharp breath, when my lips touched her cheek.  When my lips touched her lips, she pulled me fiercely close.  After that, we just kissed and kissed again, until we fell asleep.

                We hadn’t talked about anything that night, so that morning, after she pulled away from me a little to sneak back under the bedcovers, I waited until she was close again and whispered to her ear.   “You didn’t have to worry,” I assured.  “I could tell you we belong together,  Tomoyo-chan, if that would keep you from worrying.  I could tell you… I love you, Tomoyo-chan.”

                She sighed and curled up against me, her hands on my arm and shoulder.  “I thought that I could always be happy if you were happy, Sakura-chan,” she murmured in her sweet, melodic voice.  “It was true… but I’m happier, now.  Sometimes, I wanted to be selfish and tell you that you belonged with me, that you would be happier with me.”

                Then she told me that she loved me, and I told her again that I loved her, and we kissed again.  For the time being, we’d run out of things to say.  Complications waited for us, no less for my Tomoyo-chan than for me, but I was certain that we would be happy, no matter what we had to deal with later.  Even if no one understood, we would be happy, anyway.

 

. . .

Comments

[cygna-hime.livejournal.com]

*tackleglomps* Have I mentioned that I'm a sucker for good Sakura/Tomoyo fic? No? Well, I am. And...saaaaaap! *melts* Hanyaan~!

You make me very very happy. Go you.

[dkellis.livejournal.com]

Indeed I do like it. Thank you.