fanfiction, 3 of 3

[butterflydreaming]

Card Captor Sakura
"Letter"
Warning: from Yue-Yukito,


I find this extremely difficult, but necessary, to write. There are things that remained unsaid in our last conversation, but many of the things that I refrained from saying are things that I believe are important for you to know. I do not wish to hurt you further, but considering the many years of our friendship, and your generousity to me over those years, you deserve to know, so that you can leave freely.

Remembering that you are leaving fills me with so much regret. I wish that you did not feel the need to remove yourself so completely. Yet, you are, in all probability, right to do so.

I will come forward and reveal the hardest thing first: I am no longer attracted to you in the way that I once was. I say this so boldly, confessing my long-hidden feeling even as I deny it, because I think that you knew how I once loved you in secret, though you did not show other than friendship to me. I know now that what drew me to you in all ways was your magic. After you gave all that you had to me, to save my existence, I no longer saw you in the same way. At first, I believed that I still loved you, desired you, and that it was only my guilt at seeing your constant exhaustion that had altered my outlook. But I was not made to love an ordinary human; that is apparent to me now.

I wish to tell you this so that you understand why I agreed that we should part ways, even as friends. I cannot forget how I used to look at you. I think about how you knew of this, and so kindly accepted the burden of it, and I am ashamed. Forgive my pride and vanity.

I wish you well, Touya, sincerely. All else aside, you were my one true friend from our first meeting. You helped me to be as human as I could be, and I can never and will never forget that you also gave part of yourself freely to me, without hidden motive. I wish that I could have been more deserving.

I have slipped this into your carry-on luggage, into the book that I know that you will attempt to read during the flight but will quickly lose interest in. I know you too well -- after so many years, I think that this is true of both of us. I know, also, that you have come to resent my well-being at the expense of your own. I apologize for my harsh words when we last spoke. You did choose freely, but you are right -- you could not have known the exact consequences of your choice. None of us knew. I thought that I would welcome fading into non-existence, and, to speak honestly, it wasn't until you offered your magic that I even considered that I could continue. In multiple ways, I owe you my life. Though even our friendship has ended, I am forever indebted to you.

Safe journey, and farewell.

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[peacewish.livejournal.com]

Inside, I bawl. I reassure myself that Touya will make out with Tomoyo and that Fujitaka will marry Maki. My poor little Toya...