butterflydreaming (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
butterflydreaming) wrote2008-12-08 08:12 pm
butterflydreaming) wrote2008-12-08 08:12 pm
...and I love him muchly, over a year later.
Right now, D is reading with his head resting against my leg. When I want, and am not typing, I can pet the soft curls on his head.
It has occurred to me in recent hours that he still fills me with that hanyaan feeling, despite the pitted path of co-habitation, despite tribulations that would have tanked another relationship. I don't do all I do because I love him. I do all I do because that is how I am made.
And it's been a year+, which is extraordinary. Not an easy year. We didn't have much in the way of convenient. D decided, at the beginning, that "Such Great Heights" was our song; particularly when I heard the Iron & Wine version of it, the shadow in the lyrics snagged my attention. "Everything looks perfect from far away." Truth: from far away, it didn't look perfect. From close up, I know it's not -- praise be. I don't trust anything that looks perfect.
Like, right now, my foot is falling asleep, and his leaning on my leg is not so comfortable.
He's almost sure to do something that annoys me, within the next twelve hours.
Even still, I look at this man and I feel that certain something that isn't just carnal desire or biological nesting urge. It isn't a need. It doesn't change the rules.
I don't ever want to find out if it's something I can stop feeling. We haven't damaged it yet, so maybe I won't ever have to find out.
It has occurred to me in recent hours that he still fills me with that hanyaan feeling, despite the pitted path of co-habitation, despite tribulations that would have tanked another relationship. I don't do all I do because I love him. I do all I do because that is how I am made.
And it's been a year+, which is extraordinary. Not an easy year. We didn't have much in the way of convenient. D decided, at the beginning, that "Such Great Heights" was our song; particularly when I heard the Iron & Wine version of it, the shadow in the lyrics snagged my attention. "Everything looks perfect from far away." Truth: from far away, it didn't look perfect. From close up, I know it's not -- praise be. I don't trust anything that looks perfect.
Like, right now, my foot is falling asleep, and his leaning on my leg is not so comfortable.
He's almost sure to do something that annoys me, within the next twelve hours.
Even still, I look at this man and I feel that certain something that isn't just carnal desire or biological nesting urge. It isn't a need. It doesn't change the rules.
I don't ever want to find out if it's something I can stop feeling. We haven't damaged it yet, so maybe I won't ever have to find out.
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Also, for the record, I like D. He's a good sort and I'm glad he's joined our little tribe.
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