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butterflydreamingDid my hour of writing, but I haven't transcribed it yet because I got distracted with this rant, which is not as sexual as the icon implies:
If someone were to call me a slut, I would laugh. Is there a derogatory term [in American English] that more clearly demonstrates the poisonous double standard that is used in regards to men's and women's sexuality? I don't think that there is. Other insults refer to body parts or payment for sex, but "slut" refers to behavior -- perceived behavior. A woman (or girl) who enjoys sex is a slut. A woman who flaunts her sexuality is a slut. She is a slut if she dresses or acts in a way that the name-caller finds provocative, which means that the slur is based on effect, not origin. "Slut" is about what one person thinks of another -- female -- person. Someone else's regional, cultural, or generational mores.
[Yes, it is also modernly applied to males. "She wants to know, am I still a slut" the Red Hot Chili Peppers sing, but the lyrics have a certain irony.]
Slut is a label.
You must know by now what I think about labels.
*I* find the word empowering. It shows that the assessment of character can be determined by created appearance. I have been called a slut, and I did laugh, because at the time, I was not only virginal but I had never been on a date, had never been kissed *anywhere* in an amorous way. I was an honor student, and I sang in the church choir on Sundays, plus midweek practice. The skirt reached my ankles, but I had bare arms, loose hair, lipstick, and a walk that I had emulated from runway models. (I still walk that way, steps in a line. It makes walking in high heels look nicer.) That, it seems, was enough. Clearly, I was a promiscuous girl of loose morals, guaranteed to have an STD soon if I didn't already.
I rarely, very rarely, talk about the bare, hard facts of my sexual behavior... and I'm not going to do so now. My behavior is not determined by what someone else thinks. I live by my own rules and standards, not anyone else's, no matter how much I would like that person's favor.
I called the double standard poisonous. It is. A woman is expected to be beautiful, and by beautiful we mean sexually alluring. Sex sells. Sexual images are everywhere. (But let's not forget that without the drive to procreate, there would be no procreation.) That skirt in a magazine is high fashion, but makes a real woman "look like a hooker". Low self-esteem and poor body image are both so common among girls that we chicks take it as a given, part of female identity. Do you understand how wrong that is? Even I, who can laugh at being called names, will never think of myself as beautiful (except intellectually).
The concept of "slut" is the epitome of the double standard that says it's expected for a guy to pursue the Score, but that a woman should only have sex with romance, without promoting her sexuality. (I realize that that's not so great for menfolk, either. Male virginity -- even celibacy -- is seen negatively, too.)(Guys, just so you know, many of us women think that's waaaay hot.)
I look forward with hope to the days when "slut" is as antiquated as "spinster", and has an equally toothless bite.
If someone were to call me a slut, I would laugh. Is there a derogatory term [in American English] that more clearly demonstrates the poisonous double standard that is used in regards to men's and women's sexuality? I don't think that there is. Other insults refer to body parts or payment for sex, but "slut" refers to behavior -- perceived behavior. A woman (or girl) who enjoys sex is a slut. A woman who flaunts her sexuality is a slut. She is a slut if she dresses or acts in a way that the name-caller finds provocative, which means that the slur is based on effect, not origin. "Slut" is about what one person thinks of another -- female -- person. Someone else's regional, cultural, or generational mores.
[Yes, it is also modernly applied to males. "She wants to know, am I still a slut" the Red Hot Chili Peppers sing, but the lyrics have a certain irony.]
Slut is a label.
You must know by now what I think about labels.
*I* find the word empowering. It shows that the assessment of character can be determined by created appearance. I have been called a slut, and I did laugh, because at the time, I was not only virginal but I had never been on a date, had never been kissed *anywhere* in an amorous way. I was an honor student, and I sang in the church choir on Sundays, plus midweek practice. The skirt reached my ankles, but I had bare arms, loose hair, lipstick, and a walk that I had emulated from runway models. (I still walk that way, steps in a line. It makes walking in high heels look nicer.) That, it seems, was enough. Clearly, I was a promiscuous girl of loose morals, guaranteed to have an STD soon if I didn't already.
I rarely, very rarely, talk about the bare, hard facts of my sexual behavior... and I'm not going to do so now. My behavior is not determined by what someone else thinks. I live by my own rules and standards, not anyone else's, no matter how much I would like that person's favor.
I called the double standard poisonous. It is. A woman is expected to be beautiful, and by beautiful we mean sexually alluring. Sex sells. Sexual images are everywhere. (But let's not forget that without the drive to procreate, there would be no procreation.) That skirt in a magazine is high fashion, but makes a real woman "look like a hooker". Low self-esteem and poor body image are both so common among girls that we chicks take it as a given, part of female identity. Do you understand how wrong that is? Even I, who can laugh at being called names, will never think of myself as beautiful (except intellectually).
The concept of "slut" is the epitome of the double standard that says it's expected for a guy to pursue the Score, but that a woman should only have sex with romance, without promoting her sexuality. (I realize that that's not so great for menfolk, either. Male virginity -- even celibacy -- is seen negatively, too.)(Guys, just so you know, many of us women think that's waaaay hot.)
I look forward with hope to the days when "slut" is as antiquated as "spinster", and has an equally toothless bite.
