Spontaneity Looks Better By the Minute

[butterflydreaming]

I just have to keep telling myself that there is nothing that I can do about the weather. If it rains Sunday, oh well. Something will be done. I have trepidation and I feel like an inadequate hostess, but I know that all I can actually do (control) is... not a lot of anything, actually. I mess take the same attitude that I have with my hair: Que Sera, Sera.

I'm inclined to call this post "Nervousness & Despair 2" -- those of you who've known me since last summer would have read "1" -- because this is more of a sequel, emotionally, than I would like. Social events should not be scary. But if you've known me for a while, you know that I think they *are*. As much as I look forward to gathering with my friends, I cannot help my nervousness. The presence of flames will be soothing, but if we have to move indoors, instead... and there are other worries, stupid, self-esteem issue worries, and stupid, teenage-trauma worries.

"Despair" (if I can be theatrical about it) comes from planning/trying to plan my movie day. Seeing more than one or two involves time planning. There are three candidates for the day movies (Dear Frankie, Smile, and Eros), all of which are indie films. Independant films don't have 11:30 showings; that means that I'll have to pick *just one* of them. I might be able to find a 4:30ish showing of something mainstream, but nothing jumps out as "must see". An evening movie is somewhat less fun if there is a gap.

Dammit, this was easier to do ten years ago in L.A., when I used to do mantinee double-features on a whim.

I think that my problem here, the upsetting factor, is that I'm planning. Instead of planning, I think that I'll pick one of the three for a 2 o'clock-ish showing (the first showing), and let my whim carry me for the rest of the day. It's my day, after all. Although I don't know what that will mean.

In the spirit of that, I think I'll Flexcar instead of reserving a rental; it'll cost about the same, since I won't really need a car for more than a few hours here or there. Yes, I think that will be better. And now I can put the whole thing out of my mind until Sunday morning.