Returned.

[butterflydreaming]

Even when I was gone, I managed to be present. {laughs} Good thing, too, or I would have a lot more to catch up with, and I really need to do some writing. I was able to pop on the 'net while in L.A., but I didn't do any writing except for this:



Prelude to Goodbye

I almost didn't know you
A tourist in your borders
Everything about our meeting
temporary

And just enough, as it was.

No map of you this time
Only my shaky memory
I traced all your lines
Slow, slow -- stop and go
Held back, and then... released

You make me want
to push the limits
I need patience, or maybe indifference
or maybe, you remind me
Past is past, and all I have
Is in the space of this moment

You've never cared for history.
And at my nostalgia, you laughed
The heat burns away
Things long gone
Just like the ocean blanks the sand.

And whether I loved you once
Means almost nothing now

You've already filled the space
Where I was in you
And the place you were in me
Has long been exhaled

So this time
I take of you what I can
And as I leave, I know
This was a prelude to goodbye

This time, at last
I leave without turning
I leave, without longing
Calm, when I leave you

You, the place where I began
And I, with another I call home.

- - -




Which just proves to me that I'm a poet, first. Still, I had lots of daydreaming time, and have to get some of it out of my head. And thanks to blackjack_kat, I'm feeling like my writing is worth something to someone other than me. Oh, that's a terrible thing to say, I know... because it sounds like I don't appreciate everyone else. But, you know, I need the hand-holding, often.

This girl I've been reviewing sent me a thank you, and I replied back. The thank you made me happy, and my reply did the same for her. Makes it all worthwhile, really.

One thing she said that I've been thinking about: she said that she doesn't let her lack of reviews get her down. Instead, she reads over the ones she does get, and is reminded that she writes because she likes to write, and isn't that why I do it?

Well, yes and no. It's a bit of a compulsion... hence the constant poeming. But creating something, whole and complete... yeah, I do that because it gives me a feeling similar to eating fine chocolate. And it's always more fun to eat in company.

Seems I won't be attempting the mini-challenge, however. Let's see... who would I start with? Hmmm... Yue? (That would be change.) So, a first meeting for Yue and... Fujitaka -- did it. Nadeshiko? Did that. We've seen him meet Sakura, Touya, Tomoyo, Syaoran, Meilin, Kaho, Eriol... I suppose there could be the moment of his creation, hence Yue-meets-Clow, or Yue-meets-Keroberos... or open a serious can of worms with Yue-meets-Sonomi, Terada, Rika, Chiharu, Yamazaki, Naoko (Hey, Yue with Naoko has potential!). Anyway, I don't much feel like thinking about anyone else but the one with whom I am hopelessly smit. Which is fine, because I have to get my mind re-directed to "Take Comfort", and it's not quite there yet since "Hunger".

Oh, and I broke a rule. You probably won't care, so feel free to stop reading and move on. {giggles} These are rules I try not to break... I know that this doesn't really belong in this journal, but to hell with keeping this under the pillow.

1)Drinking alone (that's the one I broke). (Just one; I'm not worried.)
2)Finishing a pack of cigarettes... or, really these days, buying a pack of cigs
3)Purchasing a gun/learning to shoot one.
4)Using someone who likes me more than I like him.

And, of course, the last one that I can think of at this time:
5)Following through with any of my self-destructive inclinations. {small laugh}

Whatever keeps me out of the clocktower, ne?