"If I fail to cry another night..."

[butterflydreaming]

If I fail to cry through another night over this,
Add it to the rest of my failures on a list.
Even if my trust was a treasure you possessed,
I didn't dare to think this would work out for the best;
Though love puts in the knife, hope provides the twist.

If I lost my smile and held your actions to blame,
If I took my disappointment and fanned it to a flame,
I'd be playing innocent to my reckless surrender,
and ignorant to a history I'd do right to remember:
I myself have done no better; I am just the same.

You don't say you're sorry, or in any way apologize
For all the times I believed you when you were telling lovely lies.
It's smarter to be cynical about pledges that are made in bed.
Feeling you would never choose me, I was careful about what I said,
Loving you without saying so and wanting it otherwise.

And I was right. I spoiled it, unable to stay quiet anymore
My wanting had grown greater than I would continue to ignore.
After all this, I don't even care which one of us was lying;
The hurt is deep, and it still stings, but I am done with crying.
Here we are, and there is no way to go back to what we were before.