Making Peace with Silence
Oct. 18th, 2006 07:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflydreamingI'm house-sitting, or, rather, some kind folks offered their empty house for a respite. My home is so noisy, but I've become more accustomed than I really understood.
It was better with the music on, but the house still felt silent. Not just quiet. Silent, the way only houses can be. Going home, after all, instead of staying the night as planned seemed like the more comfortable option. But the buses are wicked today. Heading up here from Beltown, they were running an hour late (according to the driver). I got onto an almost empty Express bus, because the one a mere couple of minutes before it was full to bursting. Hm, I see a pattern of giving up that I hadn't noticed til now.
After a few minutes as the bus stop, when it appeared that those also waiting had been waiting for other bus lines for quite a while, I thought about how I keep complaining that I get home with almost no time to do anything except eat and sleep. Here, if I stayed, I could cook a quiche in a nice big kitchen, watch a movie, write for a while... stay up late without feeling like I would be bothering anyone else... have the quiet for thinking time.
The deal was settled because the library is open for another half-hour. It's a really nice library, and it has computer. I didn't bring mine with me. (No taking advantage of the wireless, alas.) I can sate my LJ jones and feel connected.
It's been so long since I've been alone. I've lived in small spaces with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
divinityof_fire for over 6 years, and with at least on cat for most of that time as well, and with the noisey Siamese for 2. Apartment living, with upstairs neighbors. I'm around noise and people all day. I think the last time I was by myself, on a trip somewhere, was several years ago.
The quiet scared me.
I wonder how I will sleep, tonight. Will I wake up when the first bit of light floats through the windows? Will I oversleep? I've already warned KP. I'll have to bring her a cupcake if I'm late to work.
I can feel myself rushing along over life like the gray water of a flooded stream, a churning tumult that hides everything beneath it. I have forgotten to be aware of the moment. How does this happen?
When a branch falls across the current, when it holds back the flow, it creates a little bit of clarity. I'm sure that I need it. What is in my head, heart, and soul that I haven't been able to see?
I'm not scared anymore. I'm a little bit excited. I'm curious. It's an experiment in being alone for *gasp* over 12 hours.
{grin}
It was better with the music on, but the house still felt silent. Not just quiet. Silent, the way only houses can be. Going home, after all, instead of staying the night as planned seemed like the more comfortable option. But the buses are wicked today. Heading up here from Beltown, they were running an hour late (according to the driver). I got onto an almost empty Express bus, because the one a mere couple of minutes before it was full to bursting. Hm, I see a pattern of giving up that I hadn't noticed til now.
After a few minutes as the bus stop, when it appeared that those also waiting had been waiting for other bus lines for quite a while, I thought about how I keep complaining that I get home with almost no time to do anything except eat and sleep. Here, if I stayed, I could cook a quiche in a nice big kitchen, watch a movie, write for a while... stay up late without feeling like I would be bothering anyone else... have the quiet for thinking time.
The deal was settled because the library is open for another half-hour. It's a really nice library, and it has computer. I didn't bring mine with me. (No taking advantage of the wireless, alas.) I can sate my LJ jones and feel connected.
It's been so long since I've been alone. I've lived in small spaces with
divinityof_fire for over 6 years, and with at least on cat for most of that time as well, and with the noisey Siamese for 2. Apartment living, with upstairs neighbors. I'm around noise and people all day. I think the last time I was by myself, on a trip somewhere, was several years ago.The quiet scared me.
I wonder how I will sleep, tonight. Will I wake up when the first bit of light floats through the windows? Will I oversleep? I've already warned KP. I'll have to bring her a cupcake if I'm late to work.
I can feel myself rushing along over life like the gray water of a flooded stream, a churning tumult that hides everything beneath it. I have forgotten to be aware of the moment. How does this happen?
When a branch falls across the current, when it holds back the flow, it creates a little bit of clarity. I'm sure that I need it. What is in my head, heart, and soul that I haven't been able to see?
I'm not scared anymore. I'm a little bit excited. I'm curious. It's an experiment in being alone for *gasp* over 12 hours.
{grin}
